The Sexuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, making love brings immense meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to very tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are find strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, nearness, and well-being .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Numerous gay guys wish to discover out from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, worths, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!