The Sexuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings tremendous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really near to and bonded Web Site with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to effective feelings Discover More of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .
However when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that numerous of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in urban locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!