The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are brought in to incredibly difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, love, and closeness .
However when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that a lot of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of visit our website gay males desire to find out from the Learn More starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with common sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!