The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormones and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings enormous significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to extremely hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions useful source are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, closeness, wellness, and love .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in urbane areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its informative post emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, numerous gay males desire to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
However, North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!